The quiet things that no one ever knows.

I am finally almost done my big paper. I think it might be the best paper I have written thus far. It is definitely the paper I have spent the most time on.

Often at the end of a semester I get very sick of school. I don't want to study or write papers and so I use music to focus myself. But these times seem to coincide with times when I am sick of all the music I have. The point is that often during exams I will discover some new singer or band. I want something new and then I will find something I like and listen to it steady while I am studying and whatnot. This semester it is Brand New's Deja Entendu. I had heard a song from the album before, but I found that I pretty much love the whole thing.

This was the song that I loved the most when I listened to it the first time:

Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun.

So I just found out that the link I have in the sidebar to my tumblr doesn't work. But don't worry, I have fixed it.

I have my first final tomorrow. It is pretty early for a final, but I like it. It will make my final exam period just a little bit less stressful.

I should be studying, but I am having a very hard time focusing.

I say this all the time, but this semester is going by so incredibly fast. I have less than a month of classes left, that is insane. I have a few large life decisions to make in the next few months. And while I am glad that my school work is almost done, I am less happy about these impending decisions. When I still had lots of school to do, I didn't have to think about them.

I have been listening to a lot of Jack's Mannequin lately. I think if I could pick one musician/artist to meet in my lifetime it would be Andrew McMahon.

Here is a nice song of his if you are interested.

Revelation.

When I was young, although I grew up in church, I was never a youth group kid. I went to youth for one year, grade 8 I am pretty sure, and it didn't really do anything for me. I also got really busy playing basketball and I never really went back. But in that one year of youth group, they managed to terrify me twice with the book of Revelation. 

One time, the leader of the grade 8 girls group decided to take us into the huge, dark sanctuary and show us a video on Revelation. I don't remember much, but I do remember multi-coloured horses, wars, destruction, and terror. I remember I was so scared I was in a cold sweat. I think that was the only time in my life I have ever actually been in a cold sweat.

Another time that year, the whole youth group watched a movie. It was about Revelation, the rapture, and general end times. Again, I don't remember much. I know there was a guillotine and the mark of the beast. But I think in both cases, over time I blocked most of the memories out.

The end result of these two experiences is that I lived most of my childhood and teen years in a deathly fear of the book of Revelation. This wasn't just a "I'm a little kid and I'm a bit scared of Revelation", this was an "I'm seventeen years old and I am terrified of the book of Revelation." When I was around seventeen, I finally got to the point where I had read all of the rest of the bible and could no longer avoid Revelation. But, instead of continuing my 'read a couple chapters before I go to sleep' plan, I sat down and burned through it. Not because I was interested, but because I couldn't stand thinking about it. I knew I would spend all day dreading that I had to read Revelation that night. So I think I read it in two or three large chunks and then was glad to be done it. 

Eventually, I did get over my fear of the book. It was actually because of my pastor. The pastor at my church at the time tended to preach sermon series' that lasted for months. So one day when he announced that he was starting a series on the end times, I knew I was in for a long haul. I was forced to actually think and learn about it over a long period of time. I got over my childhood terror and now I don't have any problems with end times or Revelation at all.

A few times I have tried to figure out what that movie I watched with the youth group was. But since I blocked so much of it out, I could never get anywhere. But earlier this week, in my Pentecostalism class, we were talking about eschatology (end times) and it brought up my memory of the movie. I tried looking for it again, and somehow I managed to remember a bit more of the movie that I ever really could before. Long story short, I found it. I read the plot summary, and it is hilarious. You can read it here. The movie is called Apocalypse II: Revelation. It has Jeff Fahey in it and actually sounds funny and not the least bit scary. There are virtual reality goggles and computer viruses. The preview is ridiculous and has 90s music playing in the background. You can watch it below, but don't judge me; seriously, as a 12 year old, this was terrifying. 

And your voice still echos in the hallways of this house.

Today it was relatively windless on my walk to school. It was quite a weird experience. And this taught me one important thing, I need to move somewhere where there is no wind. It was so nice and much less cold.

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have been busy. I have been trying to motivate myself to work on my homework, but it has not been as effective as I would have liked. I find that I end up doing the weirdest stuff when I should be studying or working on a paper. I clean my room, I organize random stuff, I play my guitar, I wash dishes. All just to get out of doing some school work. Even though most of that stuff is work too, but I guess I would rather do that than read a text book or write a paper.

I also started watching the show 'Community' and it is my new favourite. Overall, I would have to say that 'Lost' is my favourite show ever, but 'Community' is easily my favourite show that is on tv right now. But actually, it is not on tv right now. It is on some sort of midseason break and may be cancelled. Which is unfortunate, because it is hilarious.

This song has been my favourite for about a week now. I like to listen to it while I fall asleep. I think I am going to have to listen to some more of this Gotye's music. I like his lyrics.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

I woke up to the sound of the wind howling this morning.

It must be a chinook, which is nice. But I still hate the wind.

I have gotten into a bad sleeping pattern. I don't have class until 10:50 or 11, depending on the day. I can no longer falls asleep at night. I can't seem to fall asleep until about 2am, and then I sleep right up until class, but even then I'm still tired. I also never do anything in the mornings. Its like I just miss that whole part of the day. I kind of liked it last semester when I had to be up for 9 every morning. It made me get more done.

I know that everyone in the world has already seen this cover, but I really like it, so I'm going to post it anyways.

 

If you haven't heard the original, you should listen to it too. It doesn't have the '5 people playing the guitar' appeal, but it is good good good.

I'll always feel no more than halfway real.

On sunday I watched the Les Miserables 25th Anniversary Concert on tv. There was nothing on, so I put it on in the background while I read my textbook. But it sucked me in. I didn't get too much homework done. I would love to see that musical in real life. In the concert, Valjean is played by Alfie Boe. He is amazing! You can listen to him here if you want.

Also the guy who played Enjolras was fantastic. His name is Ramin Karimloo. He played both Enjolras and Jean Valjean in Les Mis in the West End. He was also the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera in London. Did you know that Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote music for a second Phantom musical? A sort of continuation of the original story? I didn't either, but this guy, Ramin Karimloo, originated the role of the Phantom in that musical in London. Here is a song from that play which I have been listening to all day.

I'm more than this.

And I hope you can see 

I'm more than this 

This heap at your feet. 

Who are you to judge me? 

Who are you to preach?

Control has slipped away from me again.

The love we had, we had to let it go.

I was doing some last changes on my Spartan Constitution paper. I needed to find out what the name of the Gulf just to the South of Sparta was, so I googled it. Turns out it is the Gulf of Laconia, but this picture also came up with all the Sparta maps, I had quite a laugh:

I was at a music store yesterday, and I realized that a lot of the bands I was looking for/interested in were in the 'punk' section. I wasn't quite sure what to think about that.

I have discovered a few new songs I quite like today, I will give you just one to preview.

Lend me your eyes I can change what you see.

This week has been quite productive thus far.

On monday I wrote a paper that is due on thursday.

And over the course of yesterday and today, I have written half of a larger paper which is due in two weeks from tomorrow.

Why am I working on a paper that is due two whole weeks from now you might ask? Well, the week that it is due is completely insane. I have a paper due on monday, a midterm on tuesday, a paper due on wednesday, and then at least one more midterm before the end of the week. There might be more, but I can't remember off the top of my head. I just know it is going to be crazy.

I was reminded today of how much I love Mumford and Sons.

It took me a long time to finally listen to them, even after they were well known. I just always thought, 'hmm, banjos.... I don't think I am into that right now.' But I finally gave them a listen, and dang they are good. Usually, when I listen to a cd, it is pretty easy for me to pick out my favourite song(s) from one or two listens. But with Mumford and Sons, my favourite song was constantly changing. I can't remember completely, but I think I liked 'The Cave' first, then 'Little Lion Man', then 'Awake My Soul', then 'Winter Winds', then 'I Gave You All', then 'Roll Away Your Stone' or something like that. Their lyrics are brilliant. They were my background noise as I wrote my paper on the Spartan Constitution. Lovely.

These heartstrings of mine.

i got ideas

rattling around

in my head

and i got these bones

held in place

with skin

i don't need them

i'll sell them to you cheap

so cheap

as cheap as you like

OVO.

Today I am going to Ovo!

We didn't realize until just a couple weeks ago that our tickets were for the Thanksgiving weekend. This has made my weekend much less convenient. I will be going from Lethbridge to Calgary today, and then back to Lethbridge tonight. Then I need to wake up early tomorrow and drive home to Cranbrook for Thanksgiving with my family.

But that is a bit of a side note. I am still really excited to see the show.

I have heard that it is not as awesome as Kooza, which we saw last year. But hopefully it is still awesome.

Here is the preview.










Other Cirque shows I would really like to see include:

I think a trip to Vegas may be in order. Reading week perhaps?

Especially since I never ended up going last spring.

Just breathe in and out.

This week is crazy.. Mostly I just have that archaeology midterm.

I had a paper to write, which I did today. Now I am busy preparing essay question answers. After I read all of the textbook and my notes about 5 times, I reread the essay questions and they were much less intimidating. However, they still take a substantial amount of time to prep, and then I have to memorize them.

These songs have been my favourites lately:

It takes two when it used to take one.

Today is my last day of work!
Hoorah.

A kind of funny thing is that in my last couple days of this week, I have finally moved up a job at the mill. For the last day and a half I have worked on of those sit on my bum and push a button jobs. I am operating the tilt hoist. I don't think I could handle a job like that over any long period of time. But it has been a nice and welcome break from usual work for a few days. I am hoping that I will get the lazy job again tonight.

Then I have one day, and not even a full day because I don't get home from work until 1 AM and I need to sleep in a bit, to pack everything so I can move on sunday.

I have not even started packing at all! I still have mess all over this house. It will be a busy day.

I really like this song:

But I thought that I was strong.

something always brings me back to you

it never takes too long.

no matter what I say or do,

I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.

you hold me without touch,

you keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much

than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

set me free

leave me be

I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.

here I am

and I stand so tall

just the way I'm supposed to be.

but you're on to me

and all over me.

you loved me 'cause I'm fragile

but I thought that I was strong.

you touch me for a little while

all my fragile strength is gone.

This video is one continuous shot. How awesome is that?

Like I'm made of glass.

My three days of hard work on sr 2 has begun.

Today I went shopping for paint and other camp things.

My dad stamped and drilled all my ID tags, then my sister and I put them on strings.

I also drew out and cut out my shields. Then I sanded them down all nice and primed them.

They are about 2 feet in diameter and will be awesome I think.

Tomorrow I will cut and sew the flags for my standards, draw out and start painting my shields, and go buy some more needed supplies. My sister is working on the standards for me, and she will probably work on the stencil for painting the flag. Hopefully I will also get some work done on the poles for the standard, and figure out how to attach the wonderful eagles she made for me.

Monday will probably see continued work on the standards and shields. Also, maybe some extensive wide game prep.

So much to do, and so little time.

However, my family has been an amazing help. I am so relieved to have some of the work taken off my shoulders. It is incredible how nice it is just to have some people willing to help. Even if they only do one thing (they are all doing more than that), things can get done so much faster. Every other time I have directed, I have done most of the preparation myself. Which was maybe kind of a pride thing. You know, I wanted to do everything so that I could take credit for it all, none of this, "actually, so-and-so made that part", no, I wanted to be able to say, "yup, I did it all."

Perhaps I'm just lazier now. But I'd like to think I am more mature or something like that.

Hahaha.

Before I sleep, let me show you this nice cover I heard today. I had never actually heard the song before and I thought it was beautiful. Then my sister said that the original artist was one of the those teeny-bopper, family channel pop stars. I don't know if she actually is, I never looked into it and my sister wasn't sure. She thought maybe she was confusing her with someone else. Nevertheless, it was unfortunate for me to hear that. Usually I avoid those artists like the plague. But, I decided I still like the song. And most of all I think I just like how this guy sings it. I tried to listen to the original, but I couldn't. It was all whiny and airy.

Anyways, the point of this is, don't judge me for the song choice, just listen to the beautiful voice of Alex Goot and know that that is the reason I love this song.

I am home :)

So my exams finally ended last friday.

Then I spent Saturday moving my roommates stuff to our new place in Lethbridge.

On sunday I came home.

I spent Sunday night and all of Monday trying to get unpacked and fit everything into my room.

I did the whole get rid of ridiculous amounts of crap that have been sitting around in my room forever thing. It was quite the job.

I am not even done yet. I still have stuff to organize, a disgusting amount of laundry to do, stuff to put up on the walls, and a new shelf to build and incorporate into my room. But it will be sweet to be all done and have a nice, organized room full of stuff that I actually use.

Today I went to the States, then I went on a bit of a hike/walk. I am probably going to go on an overnight backpacking trip next week. It will be sweet, and by then I will likely have some nice trekking poles and perhaps a new backpack which is actually made for a woman and will not give me nasty hip belt blisters.

AND, good news! I got an A in my nutrition class! Definitely didn't see that one coming. That class was brutal. It was the easiest material, but the teacher had such a thick accent, you could never understand him. And his tests were never a fair representation of what he taught us, or what was in the textbook. I have no idea where he got his test questions from, but it certainly wasn't the course material. Also, a good chunk of the questions made no grammatical sense. Anyways, that class is over forever, and somehow I managed an A (seriously, I must have rocked that final).

I also got an A in my fourth year class, which I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull off.

I am excited, I like it when I do better than I thought I would.

Now, if you want to listen to a song I recently discovered (like an hour ago) and really like so far you could listen to Konstantine by Something Corporate. It is the same lead singer as Jack's Mannequin.

Journal articles and a lovely cover.

Remember when I whined about my final exam schedule?

If not, you can read it here.

Anyways, I am in the midst of all that loveliness.

My last day of classes was last friday. On saturday I half moved back home.

Now, I am back in Cranbrook for the week. I couldn't handle staying in Lethbridge by myself trying to study while everyone else I know is done for the summer. I know that I would just sleep all day and procrastinate.

So, here I am. Back at the college where I spent my first three years of post-secondary. Sitting in the ridiculously tiny library (I am fairly certain that my high school library may have been bigger) studying. I kind of like how big the U of L library is. One time I actually got lost in it. Not, "oh my goodness where am I? How am I going to get out of here" lost. Just, "shoot, I have no idea where I left all my stuff on this floor" lost.

I have been here since 8 am. So, about 4 hours. And, I have actually been working for a significant amount of that time. But all I have accomplished is: I have read 6 journal articles. For my fourth year class, our textbook is actually just a coursepack filled with journal articles. I was not very diligent in my readings for this class during the semester. However, I have been working to get through them the last couple weeks and I am almost done. Then I can actually start studying for that final. wahoo.

I can't wait for the evening of April 29. I will finally be done. Too bad that is so far away.

I f you are looking for a lovely cover to listen to, perhaps a Death Cab for Cutie song, may I be so bold as to suggest 'I will follow you into the dark' by Kurt Schneider.

I think it is beautiful.

This is not the video from his actual channel, because in his video he talks for about 2 minutes before the song.

The video from his channel is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2m4eEbnR5I&feature=related

Also, if you like this cover, which you probably do, you can download it FREE!

You just have to go to his facebook or twitter.

I did.

Dark blue.

If you like this song, you can download if for free from his website.

I listened to it my whole walk to school today.

http://gootmusic.com/

Sidenote: I wish I was painfully musical like this guy. Check out his other videos on youtube! He plays everything. Mostly, I just wish I could play the piano. I would be satisfied with that.

Watch this video from 3:08 to 3:13 and try to tell me that the side shot does not look exactly like a young Leonardo DiCaprio. You won't be able to. I am pretty sure it may even be him, I don't know how that could be. But I think I've discovered something big here.

Want to learn everything that happened in the first 4 seasons of lost in 4 minutes and 24 seconds?

Watch this:

This is also really funny: