Memories like bullets they fired at me from a gun.

So I just found out that the link I have in the sidebar to my tumblr doesn't work. But don't worry, I have fixed it.

I have my first final tomorrow. It is pretty early for a final, but I like it. It will make my final exam period just a little bit less stressful.

I should be studying, but I am having a very hard time focusing.

I say this all the time, but this semester is going by so incredibly fast. I have less than a month of classes left, that is insane. I have a few large life decisions to make in the next few months. And while I am glad that my school work is almost done, I am less happy about these impending decisions. When I still had lots of school to do, I didn't have to think about them.

I have been listening to a lot of Jack's Mannequin lately. I think if I could pick one musician/artist to meet in my lifetime it would be Andrew McMahon.

Here is a nice song of his if you are interested.

I had that dream again where I was lost for good in outer space.

School is starting wrap up, it is crazy. Next week is one of my busiest weeks. I have a final and two midterms within a span of 3 days. One of those midterms is for my hinduism class. I have not done any of my readings for that class since the last midterm a few weekends ago. And this teacher actually tests on readings. I just looked up all I have to read before next week, and it is a total of 20 chapters from 3 different books. This is a major loss for procrastination. I have my work cut out for me. Aside from that reading, I have a good amount to read before my final next monday. I have an essay to prepare for that final and another rather large essay to work on. But it's okay, because it will soon be over.

My hinduism class has actually been super interesting lately, so I am hoping the readings will be interesting too. We have been learning about the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, which are Indian epics. They are really cool stories. We have only gotten to hear bits and pieces of them (they are both quite long) but I think I might read them on my own at some point. The picture above is of a scene in the Mahabharata where Krsna instructs Arjuna on the battlefield. This section of the story is often removed and read on its own. It is called the Bhagavad Gita.

A few days ago I made a list of movies I want to see. I have some to add to it:

- Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

- Half Nelson

- American History X

- Boy A

- What's Eating Gilbert Grape

- The Last King of Scotland

- Titanic

So my list as of now:

- Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind

- Half Nelson

- American History X

- Boy A

- What's Eating Gilbert Grape

- The Last King of Scotland

- Titanic

- The Wind that Shakes the Barley

- J Edgar

- Body of Lies

- Gangs of New York

- The Ides of March

- The Godfather

- Pulp Fiction

- Braveheart

- Winter's Bone

- Shutter Island

I'm finally numb so please don't get me rescued.

but when it's quiet
does she hear me
jettisoned to the center of the storm
and I'm thinking I'd prefer not to be rescued


cause I'm feeling like I might need to be near you
And I feel alright
so please don't get me rescued

And today was a day just like any other.

I wake up to find it's another four aspirin morning and I dive in
I put on the same clothes I wore yesterday
When did society decide that we had to change and wash a tee shirt after every individual use
If it's not dirty, I'm going to wear it
I take the stairs to the car and there's fog on the windows.

I need caffeine in my blood stream
I take caffeine in the blood stream
I grip the wheel and all at once I realize,

My life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.




- Jack's Mannequin

There, there.

It's been a hell of day I've spent fading away

but we all fade sometimes I believe.

Picture from http://olexd.deviantart.com/art/Fading-away-169837580 

It's not hard to dream.

Last night my dreams were crowded.

I remember thinking about things like eponymous archons and Alcmaeonids.

My subconscious could not, for the life of it, remember who Miltiades was.

My consciousness however, remembered very well in the morning that Miltiades was an Athenian leader who thought that the hoplite land army, not the navy, was the key to beat the Persians in the first Persian invasion in 490 BCE. He was largely credited with the victory at the Battle of Marathon in East Attica. In 489 BCE he lead an attack against the island of Palos to punish them for siding with the Persians, which was an embarrassing defeat for him and for Athens. Miltiades was wounded and fined by the Athenian government for his failure. He died of his injuries and his son Cimon was forced to repay his debt to Athens.

My head is crowded with Greek names and dates. Too many names that are long and somewhat similar, or at least they get confused in my head. Like Aristagorus and Archilochus,  or Pesistratus, Pausanius, and Parmenides. And too many greek terms, like pentakosiomedimnoi and seisachtheia.

Athenian history is a giant web of tyrannies, archons, conspiracy, exile, conflicting political leaders, ostracism, reforms, treason, and wars.

Maybe cross the country.

So I have already lost the buy no University food bet.

geez.

I forgot and bought an ice cap. twice.

So I am looking up grad schools.

It makes me feel grown up and intense.

I could do my OT degree in Vancouver, or Edmonton, or Toronto, or Halifax.

There are more options than that. There are a couple choices in Saskatchewan and Manitoba, but who wants to go there.

There are a bunch of schools in Quebec. I looked up McGill, in Montreal, and it said that speaking french is greatly recommended. Not knowing french seriously limits your practicum opportunities. And I assume this will be the same in all the Quebec Universities. There are also a few more options in Ontario. Like McMaster University, and Queen's University, and the University of Ottawa.

So far, Dalhousie in Halifax has caught my eye.

Grad school is a big decision.

This is the Occupational Therapy Building at Dalhousie

Dear Jack

I, I had songs for you
I had all your music written out
The words came when I heard you screaming
I, I had plans for you
Until the plans fell through
Now there is no turning back
My dear Jack


-Andrew McMahon

There, There Katie.

And I know it's only just started
but I'm gonna be there at six
with some flowers on sticks
that were clipped just to make the weak strong


Courage is something I'll need now
because its been a hell of a day
I've spent fading away
but we all fade sometimes
I believe


Katie, I'm sorry
that in your condition
the sunshine's been missing
but lately
I don't believe that it isn't there
oh and Katie
Katie be happy
this world can be ugly
but isn't it beautiful

This is from a song that Andrew McMahon wrote to his sister while he was fighting leukaemia. She gave him a bone marrow transplant.

I have been listening to lots of his songs lately.

Update.

My room looks awesome!

It is finally done.

In the last two days I have built my new shelf, reorganized my bookshelf, gotten rid of more stuff, unpacked the rest of my boxes, organized everything, vacuumed, dusted, washed my sheets, washed my clothes, and hung my mirrors/bulletin boards/pictures.

It feels so great to have everything clean and organized, and to have gotten rid of all that stuff I never actually use or want.

Tomorrow I start working. I thought that I wasn't going to be able to start working until next weekend. It is nice to be making so money sooner, but I am not looking forward to 5 am wake up.

Back to the smelling like sawdust and spending all my weekends doing hard labour. When I left for school last August, I was actually kind of sad to leave my job. It was the first time I have ever left a job and wasn't ecstatic about it. Which makes coming back to it now so much nicer. Usually I work somewhere until I hate it, and then I leave and would never go back.

Konstantine by Something Corporate is my favourite song in the world right now. I put a video of it in a post a couple days ago, listen to it if haven't already. It is 10 minutes long, but definitely not one of those long songs that gets super boring, or one of those ones with ridiculously long into and outros, or with a million lyric repeats. The lyrics are beautiful. I can listen to it over and over (and I do).

What did you possibly expect under this condition?

this flood is slowly rising up
swallowing the ground beneath my feet
tell me how anybody thinks under this condition
so I'll swim as the water rises up
the sun is sinking down
and now all I can see are the planets in a row
suggesting it's best that I
slow down


this night's a perfect shade of
dark blue
have you ever been alone in a crowded room
well I'm here with you
I said the world could be burning dark blue


we were boxing
we were boxing the stars
we were boxing
you were swinging for Mars
and then the water reached the West Coast
and took the power lines
and it was me and you
and this whole town underwater
there was nothing we could do
it was dark blue

I am home :)

So my exams finally ended last friday.

Then I spent Saturday moving my roommates stuff to our new place in Lethbridge.

On sunday I came home.

I spent Sunday night and all of Monday trying to get unpacked and fit everything into my room.

I did the whole get rid of ridiculous amounts of crap that have been sitting around in my room forever thing. It was quite the job.

I am not even done yet. I still have stuff to organize, a disgusting amount of laundry to do, stuff to put up on the walls, and a new shelf to build and incorporate into my room. But it will be sweet to be all done and have a nice, organized room full of stuff that I actually use.

Today I went to the States, then I went on a bit of a hike/walk. I am probably going to go on an overnight backpacking trip next week. It will be sweet, and by then I will likely have some nice trekking poles and perhaps a new backpack which is actually made for a woman and will not give me nasty hip belt blisters.

AND, good news! I got an A in my nutrition class! Definitely didn't see that one coming. That class was brutal. It was the easiest material, but the teacher had such a thick accent, you could never understand him. And his tests were never a fair representation of what he taught us, or what was in the textbook. I have no idea where he got his test questions from, but it certainly wasn't the course material. Also, a good chunk of the questions made no grammatical sense. Anyways, that class is over forever, and somehow I managed an A (seriously, I must have rocked that final).

I also got an A in my fourth year class, which I wasn't sure I was going to be able to pull off.

I am excited, I like it when I do better than I thought I would.

Now, if you want to listen to a song I recently discovered (like an hour ago) and really like so far you could listen to Konstantine by Something Corporate. It is the same lead singer as Jack's Mannequin.