Friday, June 24, 2011

Falling slowly.

Today was another day at work. Full of silly union policies and unfair treatment.
Turns out I have fought as much as I can. And there is nothing left but to accept that things will not work out in my favour whatsoever.
This means that after this weekend, I have 30 days off (that is how long it takes to restart my hours so I don't get more that 240 in 90 days, if I did that, they would have to hire me full time, and goodness knows, they don't want to do that).

I really didn't think it would end up this way. Having some time off will be nice, but I feel almost guilty that I will not be working. I feel like I really need to in order to be okay at school next year, even though I probably don't. And I could get another job. But in 4 weeks I will be back to work at the mill and that hardly seems time enough to look for, apply for, and start a new job.

Perhaps this the way God wants my summer to be. I am sure it is, but I am not sure what it is going to look like yet. I feel like there is a good chance I will end up at camp for most of July. But I really don't know if that is where I should be, or if that is simply where i will go because that is where I always go when I have free time in the summer. Every summer I feel like it will finally be the summer where I grow up and actually work all four months. But somehow I always end up at camp. And that's not a bad thing, I love camp. But I see so many people who only get a few summers at camp before they "grow up" and are busy working and doing other things with their time. So, I guess sometimes I feel like I am not growing up and changing, but always staying the same. Always going to camp, even though now a lot of the summer staff ends up being much younger than me.
This summer, if I spent the month of July at camp, it would most likely be in the role of head counsellor. Because that is what camp needs and doesn't have. Now, does God want me to be the head counsellor? Or am I simply thinking that because the role hasn't been filled yet? Frankly, I am not sure that I am strong enough to do it right now. I have been sucking at my faith lately. But maybe God wants me to do it anyways.
I just don't know. I am going to be head counselling for most of Jr 1 next week. I guess I will see how that week is and go from there.

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