Beautiful Boy.

David Sheff.

I have been listening to a lot of audiobooks lately. Only non-fiction, I still can't do fiction audiobooks. It feels too much like cheating not to read them and imagine the stories myself. Or maybe it is just that someone else reading the story to me changes the way I process it and affects the way I visualize and imagine the story. Anyways, non-fiction audiobooks just kind of feel like listening to podcasts. I started out listening only to autobiographies read by the people who wrote them. At first it was mostly just funny anecdotes and memoirs of how comedians made it on to Saturday Night Live or got their first big movie roll. 

Then I ran out of these easily accessible, funny, and lighthearted memoirs (I get all my audiobooks from the online library) so I moved on to slightly more serious stuff. I am still sticking to autobiographies, but have moved on from funny and lighthearted to heavy and important. This has included When They Call You a Terrorist: a black lives matter memoir, Orange is the New Black, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, and now Beautiful Boy. I scour the library site for audiobooks that I have heard of or seen on lists of important books you should read. It has been eye opening and I intend to continue. I am also hoping to start writing more about the things I am reading (or listening to). 

Anyways, this post is just meant to be about Beautiful Boy. Which I have literally just finished. It seemed like a fairly long book (it's really hard to tell when the book is in ebook form, but it seemed like it was a reasonable length at least in comparison with others I have listened to) but I finished it in a matter of days. I listened to it to and from work, at work, before I went to sleep, while I was cooking and cleaning, while getting ready, and I even just sat in my room by myself for hours doing nothing but listening to it. All this is to say that it was compelling as hell and I couldn't put it down.

It is the story of David Sheff's experience with his son's drug addiction. It starts when Nic is a small child and continues on until the point at which this book is completed. Which, by the way, is by no means the end of the story as made very clear by the lack of closure or completion. Which is to say that when the book is finished Nic is still alive. As you come to know through this particular story, there really is no closure or completion when it comes to drug addiction. And Nic's drug of choice is meth, which you also learn from this story is particularly horrid. 

This book, as I can only imagine, sheds light on what many many families go through and what millions of people feel as they struggle with an addicted family member. It is honest and genuine and helped me see into a world I have previously only seen from the outside. It was informative and educational and depressing and hopeful.

Nic Sheff has also written a book. I have it on hold and am hoping it will be available soon. I am exceedingly curious to now hear about the same years and the same events from his perspective. So much of Beautiful Boy is centred around David's worry and the fact that he does not know where Nic is or if he is okay. It is only one side of the story. There are moments in Beautiful Boy (when Nic is in rehab or recovery) when he is honest with his father about what he has been using, when he started using, and where he has been. But those times are few and most of the book is plagued by the idea that as the father of a drug addicted son David suffers along with him. Not to the same extent by any means, but enough to significantly damage his life along with Nic's; only instead of drugs doing the damage it is panic and never-ending worry. It is the father's story, not the son's. And I understand that it is very important and significant for his story to be told. There are lots of accounts from ex-addicts and very few from people whose family member is an addict. I can only imagine that if you were dealing with the particular horror of trying to help and support someone you loved who was dealing with addiction this book would be a light and a friend. 

I have been learning a lot by listening to the stories of people who experiences are vastly different from mine. It has helped me to clearly see how lucky and privileged my life has been and has helped me to be more empathetic and understanding. It also helps me to see how societal systems and even laws are unjust and harmful to certain groups and minorities. Things that have never affected me personally but have an extremely harmful effect on others. It is good for me to learn these things. It is good for me to feel uncomfortable and to realize that I am privileged and lucky. I would recommend this book.



(Also they are making a movie of this story. It is based on both David and Nic's memoirs and it comes out in October. I am going to watch it and I am going to cry. I am also probably going to point out all the ways the movie changed the story. So that might be annoying for you, but you still want to watch it with me, right?)